GOING TO BED TOGETHER CAN STRENGHEN THE BOND BETWEEN COUPLES!
There are the blissful habits that can destroy your partner , the signs that indicate that you are really afraid of being alone and even the keys to avoiding the dreaded divorce after the summer holidays.
However, there is a detail that tends to go unnoticed despite repeated daily in numerous homes. We refer, nothing more and nothing less, at bedtime, to that ‘because I’m going to sleep’ in front of ‘because I want to finish watching the chapter’, that more than one will be familiar and that triggered a debate in the drafting. Also, a proper communication between couples help to understand what women want in a relationship?
Quickly, we saw a clear division that did not understand ages, early mornings or years of happy marriage. There are those couples who go to bed at the same time (from Monday to Sunday, rain or snow) and those in which one of its members takes advantage of that couple of hours of solitude to relax, enjoy the calm and spend time.
After conducting a survey of 2,000 married people, a study commissioned by Kate Jones of Co-operative Food in 2013 set the time at which couples begin to adjust, in other words, to take it for granted in three years and six months. This finding revealed that once this figure reached, the initial spark gave way to less sex, less “I love you,” less cuddling on the couch and more lying down at different times.
This made us wonder, is it just a matter of fatigue and comfort or is there something else? Is it positive to agree on the time at which lights should be turned off or denotes a routine that (sometimes) can go against personal preference? Can such a detail endanger the relationship?
To get out of doubt and to know what importance should be given to this bed issue, we talk to Ruth Zazo Rodríguez , psychologist at the Psicoadapta center (Isaac Peral, 12 Madrid).
Lying together or apart, does it influence our relationship?
It turns out that going to sleep together can have positive effects when managing the couple, as the psychologist explains: “When this happens, usually means that both members will be active or tired around the same time, and as a result, they will be able to share a greater quality time, whether it is to make plans or to perform quieter or restful activities.If one of them tends to be very active at night while, when the evening falls, the other already has the need to rest, we will be able to encounter difficulties in sharing leisure time and agree the opportune moment to exchange information of partner, work or any other aspect.
Obviously, this does not mean that when you have working hours or a different biological rhythm is all lost. However, we should strive to find a middle ground, “supplying these deficiencies with quality time between both during the rest of the day,” said the specialist.
Spend more time together … but in bed?
Although it may seem most palatable, it is not advisable, as the psychologist says: “It would be ideal if the bed was associated with rest or sexual relations of the couple and not other aspects such as talking about our problems, concerns, or even use it as a place to discuss. ”
The motives? Very simple … “The important thing is that the bedroom is linked to a place of rest without contaminating negatively or generate tension and / or anxiety to any of its members. If the couple knows that when you go to the bedroom there is no habit to engage conversations ‘complicated’, somehow relaxed, which is an aid to be able to fall asleep effectively, “he explains. You know, if you really want to rest, bet on a “sleep hygiene” free of tensions.
Can it affect our sex life?
Although not a crucial factor, the fact is that it can influence. “If the time to go to bed together is strongly linked to the sexual relationship, undoubtedly lying down or not at the same time will create conflict. In these cases, the couple will have to consider that eroticism or sexual desire can not be linked only to this custom , because then problems will arise “, he clarifies. You will have to put imagination and learn to arouse desire without being slaves of when and where. It will be a good way to break the routine!
About the bad habit of going to bed angry …
“Being in conflict with our loved one can disturb the dream a lot, make it difficult to reconcile it and, sometimes, if we are in tension, can cause us to wake up spontaneously because of the latent concern,” he explains. Who has not happened to you in times of stress? “An unresolved problem before bedtime will make the next day influenced by it and, consequently, our mood will have much to say about how we deal with the different areas of our day,” concludes the psychologist. Therefore, it is important that we do our part and always do to reach an understanding, beyond pride and tantrums. If you do not do it for your partner, at least do it for your rest: your dark circles will thank you!