DO YOU RECOGNISE THESE SIGNALS THAT PREDICT THE FUTURE OF RELATIONSHIP
At the beginning of a relationship, it’s obvious that the overflowing illusion pushes us to lose sight of essential elements about the character of the person we choose to share our life. Women, above all, tend to handle the principles worse than men . We delude ourselves in excess to the first of change and give ourselves fully from the beginning without really knowing if what we have before us is a prince or a frog. The challenge will be, rather, to go little by little guiding us by the wise compass of our inner emotional well-being.
Romance and passion are great, but they are not magical and can mask crucial elements about the personality of the other that you should take into account. Therefore, we advise you to try to position yourself in front of the other as a stranger that you do not know anything about instead of supposing everything.
An American psychologist named John Gottman worked hard to investigate what were the crucial aspects that best predict the future of a relationship. He achieved a huge success in developing a coveted instrument that could predict the future of a couple and get it right in 90% of cases.
The wise questions that you must answer before yourself to establish the foundations of a more long-term relationship are the following: are you treated with love , affection and respect? Do you feel that there is mutual care in terms of support and affection? Do you really like to share your time with that person in a way that seems to fly?
What if where you are at every moment, what if you talk to, what if you put this or that, what if you spend the money, etc … Does it sound like something?
These are issues that relate to the ability to give, to be interested in the other, to be receptive and try to find out the depth and fundamentals of him or her.
At the same time, there is a reverse side of the coin: they are the alarm signals that you have to observe to assess whether you are in a healthy relationship or you should shelve without compassion. They are the following.
If your sense of freedom is compromised
“What if where you are at every moment, what if you talk to, what if you put this or that, what if you spend the money, etc. ” You sound familiar?
If you are with a person who is determined to control you, there is no doubt that he does not understand that what makes a relationship viable is not control. When you treat the other as an erosive possession, without realizing it, the healthy foundation upon which any relationship is built : the genuine recognition of the individuality of the other.
There are limits that should not be crossed
The people who control their partners reflect an enormous inner insecurity , they do not understand well the needs of the other and they do not know, therefore, how to gratify them. How can you come to understand the unique and specific needs of your partner if you live them as if they were a threat?
These people find it very difficult to establish a relationship based on the recognition of the intrinsic freedom of the other and to manage the differences between them so that their decisions are aligned.
Internally they are very insecure people because in their hearts there is the terrifying fear that their partner will discover, in the intrinsic exercise of their freedom, that they are not valuable enough or that they are better off without them and then, the dreaded abandonment will ensue . And, this pain, they find it too unbearable because they do not trust much that, if their relationship no longer works, they can emotionally survive the rupture.
In a couple there must be at least 80% positive exchanges against 20% negative
However, a person with a strong confidence in himself, yes. Hope may falter, but not die. It is easier for them to understand and accept that if their partner chooses another person it is because the current relationship is not what it should be. I do not want to say that a break is not a hard, sad reality, where there is pain and, of course, that it may be difficult at first to fit. But you can always say goodbye by thanking the lived , the shared, and trust in finding another person to go with you and with whom you are much happier.
The failure of communication
John Gottman concluded, the result of a long and careful experiment carried out at the University of Washington, that communication is a crucial element in relationships. He demonstrated this by measuring the percentage of positive and negative exchanges among 100 couples during a conversation in which they disagreed. In the couples that lasted over time, the positive comments (which reflect, for example, agreement, understanding, forgiveness) were far superior to the negative ones (associated with hostility, criticism or contempt), specifically, with a frequency of 5 to 1 while, those that abandoned, the rate was 1 to 1.
He affirmed that in a couple there must be at least 80% of positive exchanges against 20% and that these can remain unresolved. The differences that are present at the beginning of a relationship will remain dormant all the way. Remember, it is essential not to deceive yourself .
If you discover that you are in a relationship in which the percentage ranks towards the negative pole, ask yourself if it is the most healthy for you. You can try to make things work for a while. And, for this Gottman suggests that you focus on increasing 80% of positive interactions instead of trying to modify the remaining 20%. Moreover, you will have to assume that asking for the other to change is not the wisest way. In fact, it does not even depend on you .
You want to be alone at home
Another warning sign that you are facing a bad relationship is when you discover yourself wishing many times to be alone at home. If when you are with him or with her the atmosphere is electrified and it is easy to argue or it makes you bitter to wake up and feel his presence next to you. And finally, if you discover yourself much stronger and happier when you are alone.
Perhaps the time has come to consider with courage the end of the relationship and opt for a healthier one .
Yes, this time try to choose a true “relationship teacher”, that is, a person who has the mental habit of looking for things to appreciate, things to say “THANK YOU” . Because “kindness in the eyes and generosity in the heart” help to firmly root true love .